Sometimes I just want to give up

Every day is a new opportunity to make better choices. This is what life is about: the struggle of making the right choices every single day.

When you pull yourself together and lean toward better choices a couple of times, it gets easier to keep the momentum.

But life is full of surprises. We’re constantly getting tested, and sometimes it comes at you way too hard. You want a break, you want to quit, you want to break things. But reality sets you back, and you either start to build anger or give up on trying.

I’ve never heard any story that doesn’t follow this pattern. That’s why it feels amazing to hear that our problems are valid and that sometimes you can just let it go.

This is also my pattern. I do my job because I didn’t have the time and money to discover what I want to do. When I had some ideas, I couldn’t change it anymore because I had already gained experience in another industry/occupation.

It’s that simple. Today, nobody accepts me for the positions that interest me. That makes me feel stuck at my job, and eventually, I lost all of my passion for working. And I am not good at my job to feel secure or proud of myself. Today, I try to perform at my job effectively, but I don’t care about it at all. I get bored way too easily, even though I change jobs quite frequently just because of that.

These are the times I cannot pull myself together, and lean on making unhealthy choices, and drag myself down day by day. These are the times I just don’t want to be strong anymore.

Eventually, I often feel depressed, lose my enthusiasm to do things after work, and isolate myself from all of my social environment. I eat poorly and skip the gym, which makes things even harder for me to save.

And I’m scared! Is this the life I will have for the rest of my life? Maybe it is, but of course, I don’t want it to be. So I feel like I can save it. I feel like, one day, I can say that I am happy with where I am in my career.

And it is not even too much to dream.

I make plans. It is so hard to achieve something when you are all alone with no money. Achievement is even harder for me. Sometimes I use this as an excuse, but I am only kidding myself. That I know! Yet, it is breaking my courage, and I don’t feel strong enough to save myself.

Sometimes I just want to give up.